my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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