I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
