"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
