Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
