this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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