Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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