vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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