Your face is a jimmy john
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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