I skipped work to stalk him.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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