Moan for me like Helen Keller
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
