Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
