I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
