She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
