Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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