Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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