This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
