she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
