We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
