saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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