Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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