Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
