He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
