If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
