As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
