Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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