Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize