Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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