I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
