Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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