There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
