get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
