You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
