I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
