Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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