Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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