So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
