So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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