I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
