Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
