dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
