I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
