I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
