Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
