who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
