im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
