am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Semen is not good for contacts.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
