I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
