im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
