I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
