You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
