i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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