It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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