Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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