I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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