you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
