Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's never too late to be topless.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize