just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
