Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
