I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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