I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
